Are you sad for 'no' reason? Plus a free email template to send letters to loved ones during tough times.
(TL;DR) If you read nothing else in this entire column, hear this.
You’re loved. You’re wanted. You matter.
Yes, the world feels sad.
You're not alone in how you feel (whatever state that may be).
Biologically, the habit of running away from our feelings is strong.
Many folks, therefore, are denying, avoiding, or feeling ashamed that they're struggling to be 'normal' again.
Learn to feel shitty, to grieve, and let life be non-linear for a bit.
Allow yourself the space, dignity, and wisdom to clearly see, hear and be.
It's all going to work out.
This is just a tunnel.
Keep going in a way that honours you.
I feel the weight of letting go in the air, the sorting of life circumstances from which we've yet to be untethered.
I hear the sadness in people's voices.
You might self-define as quite successful and still. feel. sad.
It's funny how that works.
Emotions exist despite our successes.
You may feel imposter-like in your ability to be highly respected in certain areas of your life, but feel as if you're crumbling like a cookie inside.
What TF is wrong with me, you might ask?
The grief of losing your life as you knew it.
How you feel may not make logical sense or fit your timeline of 'how long this should take'.
Image by Nimura Daisuke | thenimura.com
That's the nature of emotion.
It's like a drunk ice skater with divine intelligence.
Bae's gotta go where bae's gotta go!
And as we all know, you cannot put baby in a corner.
Now, what?
We all experience grief.
Grief demonstrates that we're alive. And yet, as a society, we are ignorant of how to grieve.
When I feel into the collective...
When I listen to clients...
When I read between the lines, this is what I hear:
“I’m scared. I’m tired. I can’t keep going like this. I’m successful and there’s something wrong. I don’t know what it is.
I lost my husband/wife/partner to divorce. I’m over it (but I’m crying daily and don’t know why).
I want to feel like my life has meaning. I want to know I’m making an impact.
I don’t feel confident. I want to get there, but I don’t know where there is.”
Private conversations such as these are held in confidence or never uttered at all.
They're publicly masked by how we're expected to perform vs. how we're actually doing.
For many of us, our livelihoods, and sense of identity, appear to depend on it.
North America is masquerading as if it's business as usual.
And I see people hurting.
I am not advocating you go on social media and pour your heart out. I'm not saying that authenticity is the equivalent of emoting on the internet or attacking others.
I am advocating for a gentler and more humane approach to how we treat ourselves and how we work in the world.
I am advocating that we act from a place of honesty.
Let it begin with me.
Over the last two years, we challenged our values as individuals and as a society.
Seeing a fire isn't the same as putting it out or rebuilding the infrastructure.
We continue to acknowledge the blatant areas of fatigue, unrest, and pain augmented by unconscious ways of being and the systems from which they're built.
When you lose your values, you lose your compass.
Today, we are rediscovering our compass.
Your sadness, your grief, the feelings you cannot name but uncomfortably move within you, are part of the process...even if other people deny their existence.
How does this relate to sustainably creating the work you're here to do?
Everything.
Your legacy work begins with the cultivation of Self and the compassionate nurturing of the spaces you lead.
We're in a stage of massive transition.
We don't yet know where we're standing for the long haul. We're figuring that out.
In the meantime, we grieve.
We process.
We clear.
We redefine our values.
We build with incomplete information.
The tears you shed now will create space for your new work to blossom.
You cannot get around grieving.
There are 1 million reasons to feel unconfident, sad, angry, and the like. You may also feel happy, excited optimistic.
It isn't black and white.
Life extends beyond just one feeling or just one way.
Why are you sad for no reason? You have so much to be grateful for!
Yes and how about...
"I see you sadness. I will hold you tenderly."
or
"I am learning to recognize and honour how I feel."
Much of modern-day self-help teaches us to deny how we feel through forced positivity, the law of attraction, and grit to name a few.
Moreover, it subtly shames individuals for being human, as if the state of being human was a malady to fix.
Lord knows we all sh*t and pay taxes—well, most of us. But in the world of "you can do it" and "build your empire", being human is seen as a sub-genre of social media.
The truth of life is that with extreme joy comes its opposite. In fact, our most treasured feelings are born of mud.
You're right on time.
Get clear.
Allow yourself to feel.
If you're doing well, check in on a friend or someone who made an impact on your life. You can and do make a difference.
Define your values and let that guide you out of the muck.
I honor your journey.
Your professional future dwells equally in these steps and in the ones you take on stage at your TEDx.
Trust that.
With love,
Lalita
P.S. Check in on a friend you love. Use this email template below:
"Hey Lucia,
I'm thinking of you. Life's been crazy. I hope you're well.
I'd love to hear your voice and treat you to a tea.
Are you free tomorrow at 2 pm EST?
And do you still have the same number?"
If you're doing well, I hope this inspires you to reach out to someone you love, too!
P.P.S. A poem.
Unspoken Sadness
I clasped my cell phone in my hands.
She boarded a plane to London and sent me a quick selfie.
I held the phone as if I held her heart.
I could see the sadness behind her eyes.
I walked under the autumn sky
in a NYC park.
Hastily, a man jolted past me.
Did he see me, as he sped by?
Gingerly, I tossed him a smile.
I could see the grief in the wrinkles on his face.
Chatting on the sidewalk with friends,
I inquired about a mutual mate
and called her to meet for lunch.
I could feel the sigh of relief
as she excitedly confirmed.