When do we lose our virginity?

I came to the conclusion that all things manifested are an expression of effort. Nothing is finite or perfect or static or conclusive.

It is all "effort".

I look back and wonder when it happened. When do we grow up?

When do we lose our virginity? I mean really.

Is it with first entry or thrust into reality or is it when you've forgotten what it means to have it?

Is it in transition to yet another state of delirium that we crossover, the sense of moments, touches, fluidity and shocks that drive change or is it at the end, when we wake up as an old woman, skin wrinkled, eyes sparkling and soul wise?

When was the precise moment that she became old? If ever?

Some days, all that we do seems almost foolish to me. The things we get upset over, the metrics we are hell-bent on achieving, all of the things we are striving for in vain. What does any of it matter if not to serve our ego? To inflate a vague notion we have of ourselves, of our being?

We live in a state of effort, a dance of trial.

We live in a society of wealth, of creativity, a place where there is enough to go around.

So who do you want to dance with?

What moments do you wish would beckon your ripe, old age into existence and who do you hope will wake up beside you while the world spins round and round?

They're yours to choose.

None of it matters and yet all of it matters. In this place I feel whole. From this place I feel certain. But how does one bring that truth into being?

If I didn't care how I looked... what would I do?

If I was truly fearless, what would that consist of, feel like, create?

What would you do, if what others thought didn't matter?

If you didn't fear loss, failure or disappointment?

I'll tell you, if I could find peace and sleep with her for eternity, I'd marry her today, I would.

I would.

If I could find peace today, I'd end the war in my heart, the battle of my mind and the self-hate of my youth to discover that all purpose is not lost, only dormant and it is our task, our honor, our dharma to awaken her. To realize we are one. And that it's all pointless and miraculously divine all at once.

And that's the point.