'Wanting' to want versus legitimate desire
We tell ourselves a story about what we want in life and for some, we wish we wanted certain things over others...
"I wish I liked children. Everyone else in my family has 4 or more kids. Why don't I?"
"I wish I wanted to open up a quaint, little mom and pop store. But I'd rather build the next Microsoft. But aren't companies inherently evil? I feel doomed..."
"I wish I liked Joe the way he liked me. He would be such a good husband. What's wrong with me?"
On some level, you believe that liking children, opening a smaller store instead of a big one and marrying Joe would be easier, funner, more certain, [place adjective here] than what your gut tells you right now...
Homosexuals ask themselves why they're gay... Wouldn't it be easier to just be 'straight'?
Entrepreneurs ask themselves why they are trying to build a business and live off savings.... Wouldn't it be easier to get a 9-5 job?
Teachers ask themselves why they go to bat every day in a broken system... Wouldn't it be easier to work at a bank?
How are the lesbian, the start-up founder and the inner city teacher similar?
They have a feeling, a calling, a truth that sits inside of them and talks to them and it's one that they honor.
They know this is the work they need to do and the person they need to be, now, not later.
Those that ignore it, feel the consequence. It weighs on them. What is supposed to be moving energy flowing through your body, giving you energy and life to pursue your work, your role on this earth, now becomes stagnant, heavy and poisonous.
I wanted to be a lawyer and a diplomat. Lawyers made great money and diplomats had such prestige. These felt safe, honorable and certain.
And I tried to be those things. And I failed...
The calling to my current work has been too great, even though many days I wonder "wtf am I thinking?"
But I know this is where I'm supposed to be.