The Importance of Now

"Let’s say that you want to eat a peach for dessert one evening, but you decide to only allow yourself this luxury after washing the dishes. If, while washing the dishes, all you think of is eating the peach, what will you be thinking of when you eat the peach?

The peach is eaten but not enjoyed, and so on we continue through life, victims of a progressively lopsided culture that values achievement over appreciation."

How many times in the day do you wish you were some place else, do you “hate” your current life situation or overall feel a great amount of resentment in the form of agitation, annoyance, etc.?

Is this normal? Maybe.

Healthy or rational? No!

Normalcy is something I threw out the window a long time ago. Normal, to me, is basically saying,

“This is what society has deemed acceptable, not necessarily with regard to time-proof logic, but simply because, that’s  just the way it is.”

The quickest way to get me to NOT do something, is to tell me that I should do it, “just because!” It’ s safe to say then that acceptance of mediocre life-experience with the justification that it’s normal is RUBBISH.

But, I’ve sidetracked.

The point is that I think we all, some more than others (I am very guilty of this at times), overindulge in the pursuit of  achievement. It consumes us, whether it be the pursuit of business ventures, money, love, sex, drugs, McDonalds, it doesn’t matter, because its source is the same. Sure, our pursuits may vary, but the void inside is the same;  the feelings of inadequacy are the same.

What is it that we are chasing so badly? What far off mental picture are we striving, yearning and fighting to have? It, in so many ways, is draining. It takes from us in places we have yet to know and it robs our inner child of the joy and glimmer that is called life!

Do not mistake what I am saying. I am not suggesting to not have dreams. I am not suggesting that progress or the pursuit thereof is bad. I am not saying that money is evil and therefore the root of our problems. What I am saying is that it is the unquenchable desire to booster our self worth through exterior means that is futile.

Why do I work so hard?

What am I chasing so badly, if not a quicker way to death due to stress and tension?

… my self-worth. My perceived value.

“Who are you Lauryn if you are not successful? You’re nothing.”

That is the mean voice in my head, to which I laugh! What a horrible, wretched thing to believe, and on my worst days, when I am tired, lonely and grumpy, I believe it, so I work harder and read more to understand more to find the perfect formula for success and “sigh”, I’ve crashed again!

I find the following theory bitter sweet., “When you stop trying so damn hard, it comes”.  To all the people out there who have been in a relationship that ended poorly, where the other person was “more at fault”:  how many times were you told that he/she would be back? That they would regret it? At the time, you were so emotionally involved that you were probably analyzing every bit of information/event/conversation, looking yourself up and down wondering why you weren’t good enough. What did you do wrong? Every guy I ever dated that broke my heart and left me for repair came back when I was no longer emotionally vested in us, when I no longer felt that I was nothing without him and when I realized my self worth.  And THAT’S the irony!  I, we, people endure the same predicament! The difference though is that the guy is a dream/goal/business venture that we have tried so hard to develop, put all of our efforts into and the damn thing will just not come through! Why will it not work? It must be us! And to some extent, it is.  Many times, it isn’t because you are not good enough or that you aren’t working hard enough, but it’s your mentality and perspective on the situation. Think of our interactions and dreams as babies. If you cradle a child with a lot of anger/tension/insecurity, the baby senses this and becomes upset and begins to fidget and cry. The same is true of our dreams.

If I did not care what happened so much and if I just stopped trying to control everything, relinquishing this ridiculous fear of failure, maybe it would come. Maybe I will soon realize, at a level that will resonate with me for a long time, that it just doesn’t matter. When you stop trying to get the guy to see how wonderful you are , stop trying to understand his every thought and the implication of his every action, you accept what is to be. You relinquish control. You bring space and moments of rest into your life. You realize it doesn’t matter.

And some how, neither does this.

Lifestyle design is about taking your life out of societal auto-pilot and rebuild meaning back into it. Note that the path of over-work and self-battery, which is so common of perfectionists, is not healthy or acceptable, even if your goals reflect you exercising greater power in your lifestyle. There has to be harmony between the 2.

Peaches need to be eaten more and dreams need to be lived in a fashion that is kind to our souls and spirit.

Original inspiration: Tim Ferriss Article from 4HWW Blog:

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/11/19/dont-like-meditation-try-gratitude-training-plus-follow-up-to-testing-friends-firestorm/