I didn’t think that anyone read my work.
“I used to follow you on YouTube, when you were shooting,” he commented on Facebook, during one of my many attempts to discern which of the 1 million social platforms would be best to get my message out into the world.
What was my message again?
“I’ve decided I’m going to be a writer,” Marina said. “Like, a real one. With my life.”— Marina Keegan. The Opposite of Loneliness.
All of the happenings of the past 24 hours leading up to getting this book into my hands are somehow strangely perfect and sad to me. I sat, for a good portion of yesterday morning, trying to decipher which words would best describe how I wanted to feel in the world.
I wanted to feel good and didn’t, so fuck, I thought, let me try out some CDF’s. Maybe you’re familiar with this work by author Danielle LaPorte. Core Desired Feelings she calls them.
But I was at a loss for words. Words, it felt, put me further into my mind and out of my body, so how could I know how I wanted to feel if I was being forced to think?
How do I want to feel?Read More
“When you grow, you will discover that you defended lies, you cheated yourself or suffered for foolishness. If you’re a good soldier, you won’t blame yourself for that, but nor will you allow that these mistakes repeat themselves.”
– Pablo Neruda
Part of the pain, I think, in growing in consciousness, in becoming more attuned to our actions, is to realize “the lies we defend” and in some form or another, discover that we have in fact cheated ourselves, as Mr. Neruda so poetically points out. That it wasn’t external circumstances or the infamous “other person” that constructed this present moment, and that we truly are the master weavers of our fates.
Like that of a tiny spider.
No, lamenting, it wasn’t the mailman, your boss or the dick neighbor who lets their dog sh*t on your lawn every day that got you here.
It was your own two feet that walked you to where you are today.
And while I say this with conviction, I also say it with compassion.