(Almost) All the things I'm afraid of...

So this is it folks. The grand list. I realized as of late that I've hit yet another block. I'm calling myself out as the scaredy cat I'm effectively being. It's true: I'm scared to do the work I'm being called to do. Crippling thoughts race through my mind:

Can I really pull this off?

Will I end up failing horribly?

What will people think of me once I've tried to do these things?

But if you're not moving then you're standing still and stagnancy is the sister to death.

I've also realized that one of my biggest issues has been that I don't know what to create. I think this is my own form of resistance, one that I had never had to deal with before.

I went from a time in my life where I had ideas upon ideas upon ideas to a significant mental block where I feel almost overly focused to the point of self-destruction. Because aren't ideas easy when there isn't the expectation that you execute?

It reminds me of those newspaper eye-games as a kid. You would have to hold the image close to your face and slowly move it away to see what the actual picture was amidst all of the dots.

For me that game always sucked because I always ended up with a headache, the annoying scent of newspaper in my nostrils and without ever seeing the image.

I feel like I've been staring at my own newspaper from a 2 inch radius for a bit too long and even now as I pull back, I'm just beginning to see the image, the vision.

It's a time to get back on the sattle of creativity and freedom.

Because the thing about adulthood is that it seems to come with this fear of failure with what are perceived as immense and irreparable reprecussions.

What if I can't pay my rent?

What if I miss a credit card bill?

What if I blah blah blah.

But the irony is that I'm in the best position of my life financially and in terms of the resources in front of me.

I'm ok with missing a credit card payment if it's for the right reasons.

I'm ok with not paying my rent if I'm on the path to greatness and I repay it.

I'm determined to push through the barriers that are inevitable to entrepreneurial success.

So here's a list I've started. When looking for new projects and when posed with the deadly, "I don't know what to do," here are some things I can pick from. No more excuses Lauryn. This is game time.

What scares me and casts doubt in my mind:

  • Create an educational webinar with a sponsor and 1000 professionals where they pay to attend to hear a x, y and z.
  • Create a FUN and a-typical event/mini-conference of 500 people with guest speakers, hookah? and more.
  • Go to (foreign country) to get rights to publish books in foreign languages on eReaders.
  • Live in Mexico for a year
  • Sing on stage in front of a live audience (with a song that I wrote)
  • Create an online store where I give away paintings for the cost of shipping or where if two + people want the same painting, they bid on it and the money (minus shipping) goes towards charity.
  • Create a website for ongoing ab contests with sponsors where people win cool prizes and get to show off their kick-ass abdominals!
  • Always speak my mind. *Always*
  • Choreograph and perform my own dance piece
  • Form an educational contest for teenagers where they compete to create a winning business. Would be complete with webinars, training and prizes.
  • Write a manifesto and share it with the world for free. Then post it on its own website where it can live forever and people can continuously download/share it.
  • Create an online protest where top thought leaders come and stream their protests in digital format. Think a 1960's rally on the internet without the pot or tie-die.
  • Put together a multi-million-dollar deal, see it through to the end and sell it. Then do it again and again and again.
  • Do business in Spanish (legitimate business, not street haggling folks).
  • Speak at Ted.com and be proud, really proud.
  • Lead a group of millions.
  • Tell that same group that 'I don't know' and still lead them (we as leaders don't have all the answers).
  • Create a webinar series with top c-level execs where they can mingle, learn and grow with top speakers as guests. Mini-digital conferences without the hassle of travel or over-night stays.
  • Recruit a team to work for free either because they believe in what we're doing and/or they are learning a great deal.
  • Fail 500 times in 3 months. Yes, 500 times. And track it.
  • Tell the truth all the time. I struggle when I hear people say racist things and most times I'm so stunned that I don't know what to say in response. As a kid I'd debate and risk fighting and in later years I became eerily quiet.
  • Have a kid. wtf@
  • Run a marathon (ugh how I loathe running without a purpose)
  • Give 25% of what I earn to charity.
  • Start an early mentorship program for budding youth where they work alongside change agents as apprentices either virtually or in person. The idea is to create a safe environment built on trust and guidance where people can be ok with failing.
  • Collaborate with Richard Branson and Bill Gates.
  • Stop answering email.
  • Build my parents the house of their dreams right down the street from me :)
  • Adopt 2 kids
  • Hold an a-typical men only and female only retreat where we celebrate and dive into the differences of the sexes and encourage equality, respect and compassion. This is so important.
  • Work for 1 year for free. Yes, for free.
  • Build and fund a financial portfolio for each one of my loved ones.
  • Do something to better recycling. I'm thinking a marketing initiative. How can we really help people recycle more? How can we be greener?

More to come...