The real reason we fail.

Image by Farouq Samnani

Image by Farouq Samnani

Could it be that we're not the f*ck-ups we might pigeon-hole ourselves into being at times?

Wanting it all and feeling like we're unable to achieve it. Where do we start and where do WE, as women and people, outside of our care for others...where do we feed/see ourselves?

Many of us here are highly ambitious. Driven. We can point to accolades, leadership awards, positions of power, notoriety, and success.

But what if the reason behind our alleged failures isn't that we're not talented enough? Isn't that we need to DO more?

In my own life, I'm coming to terms with the effects of trauma I've been experiencing most of my years here on earth. But I didn't know that what I was experiencing was trauma (best described as an almost allergic reaction by the body).

I blamed myself and stuffed the feelings and reactions deep inside. On the outside, it didn't look like I was suffering.

But I was.

I've always been so driven and have accomplished almost everything I've set my heart on.

But as I've tried to push forward in the ways of the past and "be" someone or something...

My body can't sustain it. Nor does she want to. She's claiming her own place and her own way.

The universe, it seems, has been pumping the breaks on that front and whenever I try to push on in the old way.

Big changes are a foot.

Shifts.

Release.

I keep being brought back to this weight of sorts that has seemed to marinate much of my day to day life.

So why do we fail?

I'd argue we weren't failing to begin with.

And our success isn't always a matter of will power. In fact, for many of you here, it's probably not a matter of drive at all. Many of us have piss, fire, and vinegar for days.

The root of our perceived "failures" may be hiding in the wings of self-compassion and forgiveness.

Where there was once abuse.

Self-abandonment.

Curiosity.

Addiction.

Dreams.

Violence.

Doubt.

The most violent of all acts are the ones against ourselves.

When we believe we cannot be who we are by birth and then act in accordance with those beliefs, we shrink in exponential proportion to our conformity.

I want to offer up the question and idea, that if you didn't have to be anyone special, what then?

I've realized that I can't get to Rome in a paddle boat. I need to upgrade my life and get in that jet boo-boo, which would seem easy, right?

Yes, it would seem. 

So for those who have dreams they're sitting on. Self-battery running through their heads. Questioning why they just can't get up and do it...

Take today off.

Consider that maybe there's a new way. A different way.

Look in another direction.

Consider that you're not failing and that if you keep running into significant resistance, maybe it's indicative you need to look for a solution elsewhere.

Slow down and listen.

Feel the pain, regret, and moments of self-abandonment that happen when we forget who we truly are.

To feel is significant. It's part of our paths, our birthright, and isn't something to push to the side or get stuck in.

No need to beat ourselves up, but there's an urgency to own our part in showing up as ourselves, for ourselves.

Because if not us, then who?