[D4] Writing Gods→ Notes and observations about my creative process and looking stupid.

[Psst. This is part of a 30 day, comedic writing challenge entitled Advice For The End Of The World. Receive all 30 days of humor here: http://bit.ly/1oRW0Sj]

I’d like to appoint myself to a new, prestigious and highly exclusive sub-series of EOW entitled Writing Gods. And because I’m the boss, I get to be CEO too. See, I win.

During Writing Gods, I intend to share intimate information about my process and journey. Godly, creative insights will floweth over.

Maybe these insights will inspire or shock you. Maybe you’ll find them useful. Best case scenario, maybe you’ll mistake me for an Indian God and build a temple in my name. Maybe you’ll sacrifice a lamb at this temple. Maybe you’ll meet your soulmate at this temple, decide religion is for assholes (after you take a shameless duck-lip selfie), and denounce any affiliation with me.

Anything’s possible and I don’t like to limit us so early out of the gate.

On to some observations…

Observations via Writing Gods

I’m often asking myself during this process, what the fuck I’m doing?

In the course of about 14 months, I changed my name, moved my blog over to a new domain, and essentially began my following from scratch. In the online internet marketing world, your email list is akin to dick size. It’s big or it isn’t and the assumption is that if it is in fact big, that’s somehow relevant and swoon worthy.

Well folks, relatively speaking, my digital dick is little. I’m still finding my way in this vast vagina of a world. And with multiple unsubscribes since this writing challenge began, I’m wtf’ing all over my screen.

Am I fake? Am I a loser? Am I gay?

Maybe. The answer is most definitely maybe and maybe probably, even. I know how to write about business and thought leadership. To divulge marketing secrets and help you grow your business. And I know how to do that with success. And yet, I don’t care. I mean, I care, but what I’m really inspired to write about are my life experiences in the context of spirituality, creativity and comedy. Business is a natural piece of that. So is sex, Tinder Jesus (not because I’m religious but because I think he’s a funny ass guy), and traveling.

There are thousands of resources out there to help you grow your business, but there’s not this brand of crazy anywhere out there. So, I’m just going to sell that. Yeah. I think I’m just going to sell the shit out of this brand of crazy.

Linkedin loves me.

This brings me back to deeply questioning my level of coolness. It always makes me wonder if maybe, just maybe, the business space is yearning for more #AskJuanita. They love cray and I can deliver.

Where’s my voice?

I’m not sure. I find myself weaving in and out of various characters and landing back on this tone that seems uniquely my own. Today as I began to write this post, this loud voice from within began yelling at me. He was so loud. I was like, “What’s this man doing yelling inside my body? I’m not even having sex.” He told me to write in my own voice, stop trying to be someone else, and start with what I know. Ok. 

I like creative writing, despite the mixed reviews from my peers.

I could stop writing for fear of pissing off my “list” of email fans. That plan sucks. I could write about what I think they want and confine my writing to that. That also feels shitty. Or I could do this, which is coming out of the damn closet as a creative and framing my work in a way that feels good. That feels inspiring. Much of branding is picking the right “container” for your work. I’m finding mine. This is me testing the waters publicly.

I’m not a great speller.

It’s evident in my posts and the amount of auto-correct going on. Does anyone out there edit? For real. Public school… you failed me.

Lady-like means what exactly…

I can be brash. My mouth can sometimes sound like a trucker. My tone can take on a masculine quality. All of these boxes around how a woman should present herself, well I’m coming up against them in this work.

Taboo topics are my favorite.

And yet, those seem to be what we shouldn’t discuss. The list includes sex or the fact that you’re not/maybe having it in any form or fashion. Cursing. Sounding emotional or vulnerable and God forbid out of control. Mentioning the genitals or things you do with them. Gender and cultural norms mainly consisting of pointing out their absurdity. I’m getting over this… slowly.

Questions on my mind…

If you see someone that looks like a bird, is it inappropriate to make bird noises at them?
How much wood did that woodchuck chuck? And is he still alive? Every time you heard about that woodchuck, he was off chucking wood. And till this day, no one has any f%cking idea what that means.
Asian penises… are the legends true?
Are we loud because we’re Latin, or Latin because we’re loud?
Why do people keep thinking I’m Indian?
Am I Indian?

The end.